What is left/Let it be

Today, I am overwhelmed.

You're leaving me the boat and 40+ feet of confusion. No buyer, many complications.
You're so weak... so thin... so sick. I can't even touch you, you won't let me. I want to gather you in my arms and rock you, just comfort you. But you won't let me.
I am hurting in ways I have never hurt. I have no words.

I'm noticing tattoos on you that I think I've seen a million times.. but they're not familliar to me. Your sickness is unfamilliar. I want you to be able to just rest, but there seems to be so much to do now. It's like everything was left to the last minute. It was. And now you're barely able to cope, to manage, and you won't let go until you do.

I'm having short chats about very crucial things with near strangers. I feel like this is a nightmare I can't wake up from. My god how many nightmares have I had that involved the boat? And now I am living one. I've lost you in my dreams so many times. It hurt then too.

I have to leave and let you "die with dignity". I have to. I have to do the final accepting, and let you free to finish what started nearly 6 months ago. My god how the time flew. You pushed and pushed me. And now, now that we face the end, you're yelling at me for not writing a number down. You're so confused.. you seem so lost, I am so lost too. I love you dad, so very very much. I'll do anything you need me to do. I can get through this, even though I just want to run and hide and pretend none of it is happening.

One. Step. At. A. Time.


Let it be...

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,


speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,

speaking words of wisdom, let it be.



Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.



And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,

there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,

there will be an answer. let it be.



Let it be, let it be, .....



And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,

shine until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,

speaking words of wisdom, let it be.



Let it be, let it be, .....