Reading

Just sitting in the hotel reading about Pancreatic cancer... I really feel like I am learning nothing. There seems to be so much information but none of it makes sense. I wish I could look inside you myself and see how bad it is. Well, no.. I don't. But I want answers. I can't even ask you, you get angry talking about it. But yes, you fit all the symptoms of advanced cancer. The jaundice, the pain, the weight loss, the muscle loss. I don't think its quite time, yet.. but it's soon. Nobody can know.
Rhonda made it sound like it was now... she may know better then I do. I think when its time, it will be time. I was so scared to come here and see you, but even though you look sick, I dont see cancer. I see my dad. You're the same dad you've always been. Your eyes may be yellow but they are clear. You may be skin and bones but your spirit is just as strong.
Its nearly hard to believe you're sick. If you didnt have the appearance you did I dont think anyone would know. I know it can be anytime now.. I guess it's just a matter of when. I wont think about when anymore, the time doesnt even matter. It will happen when it does.

I will never forget the moment, the feeling, when you touched my cheek with your caloused hand, looked into my eyes and told me "I love you." Nothing matters but that moment. That's our moment, dad.