dad...

Is pain selfish? Am I selfish for feeling it the way I do?

Why do you keep stabbing me?

I can barely get through a telephone conversation with you. I hold my breath and say "uh huh..uh huh" pretending to hear you, just focusing on memorizing your voice, not really able to follow your ramblings... and then it comes, I hear it coming. You get onto a tangent about something and it comes around to me, and in your rambling suddenly I am the enemy, and you find something, some way, to say something that hurts me so deeply that it's my heart that has cancer.

WHY?